This is the first poem I wrote and still my most personal

The sky is clear and the sun is shining.                                                                                             So please tell me, why aren’t you smiling?                                                                                  Why do you always look so down?                                                                                                Instead of a smile produce a frown?                                                                                             Why always low instead of high?                                                                                                     You always look like you want to cry                                                                                              “I’ll tell you why”                                                                                                                                     I said                                                                                                                                                         & my explanation is this

Now, this may sound like a counselling session                                                                               I have to tell you now that I suffer with depression

And what does it feel like?                                                                                                                  It’s like snow piled onto snow,                                                                                                       onto snow,                                                                                                                                                onto snow,                                                                                                                                          onto snow,                                                                                                                                              onto snow,                                                                                                                                          onto snow……

And also                                                                                                                                       Nothing melts the snow                                                                                                                   Nothing works                                                                                                                                           So my mind starts to hurt                                                                                                                 But not of anything physical like a stroke

I start to have a mental collapse                                                                                                         Due to malfunctions at the synapse

Then like a tide                                                                                                                                     the torment subsides                                                                                                                       Back to where it came from

But it wasn’t King Canute                                                                                                                who stopped the tide of anguish in my head                                                                                  Nor was it him                                                                                                                                     who produced my feelings of being lonely                                                                                  That was due to low levels of serotonin

Now what triggered these acts of despair?                                                                                        These feelings of thinking that I don’t care.                                                                                     It could have been because of                                                                                                            the bullying,                                                                                                                                              the disappointments,                                                                                                                                  the people who laugh at & not with me

Maybe it’s due to the ‘friends’ who lied?                                                                                          Or could it be because my girlfriend died?

Maybe all these things & more                                                                                                             Could have precipitated my fall                                                                                                       into a morass of darkness                                                                                                                   on the odd occasion

Now in terms of treatment                                                                                                                   I’ll never take chemical interventions                                                                                                 to stop my fluctuations                                                                                                                          of mood                                                                                                                                                    As it could do more harm than good

Yet admittedly a risk                                                                                                                      could be that I get so low                                                                                                                  that I slit my wrists

And at times I’ve struggled to cope                                                                                                  But never to the point                                                                                                                       that I want to hang from a rope                                                                                                             But I doubt either will happen                                                                                                           as I’m getting help now

Now I live my life very privately                                                                                                      I’ve never mentioned this to my family                                                                                           So you might be wondering                                                                                                             why you’re hearing this from me

Well, I think you all need to know about depression                                                                  And get past its misconceptions                                                                                                         as to why people feel tension                                                                                                            and loneliness and blackness                                                                                                          from time to time                                                                                                                                   in their minds

If I was a diabetic you wouldn’t say                                                                                         “What’s with this blood sugar, snap out of it”                                                                              and yet you do that when I’m sad

I get depressed                                                                                                                                       Not just because I’m stressed                                                                                                              It just happens at different times

Yet my depression is part of me                                                                                                          And as I’m getting help                                                                                                                   Next time I’m feeling down                                                                                                                I’m more likely to smile, instead of frown

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4 Responses to SNOWSTORM

  1. bethdx says:

    This is a beautiful poem and very brave in its honesty. It actually left me in tears, as someone who also has a history of depression. That it is the first poem you wrote is quite remarkable.

  2. Grumbling Gargoyle says:

    One of my favourites of yours Chris…your honesty shines through the darkness…yep…I love it…

  3. Brilliant! You need to be writing more poetry. It speaks to so many people.

  4. Love this! Powerful, well written poetry. Fabulous awareness piece!

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